the hands on the clock continue
no batteries will run out
no reason to stop
not for you
not for me
as we get older as we age with our pasts hiding
but the truth
in my heart
in my soul
as yet another morning comes
as yet another night dies
as yet I still think of you



stumbling through the lives of others
who have called me friend
this haze
out of those last few bottles
I examine my weakness for you
which I could never explain
which I could never doubt
dark highways know more about me
than I ever did
stars are my diamonds
and I hold each and everyone
to give to you
one day
when the explanations are gone
and there is no more breath in my lungs
I can only dream of those eyes
welcoming me home


another night
endless alcohol
and thoughts
drowned by the stillness of my breath
a shower of peace
until they blow away
under the twin beams in the sky
new york my saviour
this night as always
I ask her forgiveness and she smiles
smiles, I imagine
there’s nothing at all
never any angry words again
I need the grace to love you again
while I sit still,
with nothing
at all



Your ghost is my wonderful dream
I look for signs of you in them
the women I’ve loved

but they are never like you
they can never be you
your soft skin
which I can still smell
intoxicating as always

Your ghost haunts me
in dreams, in broad daylight trips
Daisies have a way of glowing
under the moonlight

years from now
I will remember
that amazing girl
with the power to break hearts
with her smile alone


would you listen
if I told you I love you
after all this time
would you listen
if I said I had changed
would you just walk away
would you listen
to my heart beat
would you care
no matter
just one kiss
would be enough
just one kiss
would you dare
as time kills us
would you listen
as I said your name
we could be ninety
it wouldn’t matter
would you


The city was never the same without you
not central park
not the empire state
tonight I was reminded
as the moon shone
what’s wrong with holding on
the food bland, the company irrelevant
the night was the best part
although I still wanted you there
I always do
next to me
below the fire in the sky
like that night long ago
when your heart was mine



I’ve been wishing impossible things
for years now
at every turn, at every corner
impossible things can never get done
it can never happen
I’m still wishing impossible things
the times I’ve wanted to cry
still I was wishing
impossible, I know
there’s always hope
as I kept wishing, there always was
and now
it doesn’t seem
so impossible


living, loving
I can’t even spell it right
after the years have passed us by
when the morning light hurts our eyes
would it be the same
this love
as it always has
it isn’t easy
no one said it would be
insane with this sickness
this wonderful sickness
I can never rid myself
older now
wiser now
I can never rid myself
this love
a spanish breeze remembered
tears me apart

More Old stuff


I want to pick up that phone
and dial, as this night grows darker
the stars… they offer no help
as anxious as a schoolboy
heading back to class
oh yeah, I’m learning
I always have
she might just come shining through
right now
right now
she might just
remember me as I was
during the good times
during the walks
the many talks
during the hopes
not one regret
not one

posted by Francisco 


and the messages fall on death ears
false friendship
I cannot wonder why or begin to care
I’ve lost all that I’ve ever had
with you

posted by Francisco 

Old poems revisited

it comes back, it always does
spider webs caught in corners
of my mind

without as much as a thought
from you
I miss your life
I miss your soul

always wanting to breathe you in
always wanting a taste

at times like these I could just pick up the phone
and complicate things
this delicate balance
has always been complicated

the spider sits and waits
eating souls
creating webs in my mind
while you devour my heart

|| Francisco Caba 6:56 PM

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Pictures of you
with my beacon
shining behind you

during happier times
before the fights
before the heartache

New York city watched
as you laughed
as I laughed
as we cried

there is still hope
there are still pictures
there is still love

pictures of you

|| Francisco Caba 8:26 PM
just text
across my screen
your words have become
knowing you are there
I yearn to hear your voice

Filled with sadness
brimming once again
boiling over


perhaps you can
save me from myself
and nights like these
when hate is too weak
a word

across my heart

|| Francisco Caba 1:51 AM

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

I have to say
being without you
is better than never knowing you


never seeing that smile
never kissing those lips
never loving that voice
never dreaming of those eyes


never a broken heart
never tears flowing freely
never wretched pain
never hopeless nights

being without you
is better than never knowing you
because loving you
was best

|| Francisco Caba 7:34 PM

Thursday, January 22, 2004

out of the blue, always as close as brooklyn
a pleasant surprise
warms these nights

|| Francisco Caba 9:24 PM

9 Years Later

you don’t know because
I’ve never told you love
in those times where we would wreck our
hearts and the pains would be too great
I never told you
I held it all in, and let you cry
and let you grow to hate me
I never let you know how I really
loved you, and loved you and loved you
even more
it is too late now
as you have gone, gone to new loves
new lives
I’ll always look back and smile
because I loved you
although I never told you
you were one of the greatest loves of my

There should’ve never been this
without you I know not what to do
I’m lost without you
I’m lost without your love
you’re out there
you’re breathing the sun
exhaling life
where are you?
where have you been?
where will you go tomorrow?
If I could only be there
If I could only see
and feel that smile
as it rips into me like a knife
straight through my soul


as time passes and
my heart strings loosen
I think of you
of the times we had aboard an old ship
below stars that were once ours
with people we didn’t know
or times along the shore
where the waves calmed me
while you waited patiently below a burning sun
I always came back to you
I always cared
the summer is gone now my love
the summer has forgotten us
cold air will soon engulf the beaches
and the sands will cry
on this day, I think of you
on this day, I hope to forget
not because of hate
but only because of love


time never heals all wounds
I never believed that lie
not the first time, not this last time
numb is all you become
until you can’t feel your blood rushing through
your heart
one can never get used to it
as it is always different
after all these years
after all these words.. there can never be an answer
there will never be forgetting
I leave you with a kiss…a caress across
an angelic face
never to be seen again
except in wishes and dreams


it hurts when you can’t love anymore
it hurts when you can’t breathe
your thoughts are not forgiving
neither is your heart
yet again
I am older, although not wiser
because I stumble and walk away with
I’ve lost you
I’ve lost my way
the lights are off and it is midnight
and I stumble
in the dark, once again



they flow
I clench my jaw
fuck you
your lying ways
fucking parasite
worthless bag of flesh
you don’t deserve your heart
in the mirror, you can’t hide
in the mirror, it’s all lies
all of you, every inch
this is fuel, feeding this fire
burning me from the inside
where I am as dark as ash


everything gets better they say
so it must be true… as they say
look around, has there ever been
anything better?
I’ll be fine
as I was before
the pieces will fall into place
as they have before
I’ll smile again
with your face
in my heart
as they say


distance not physical
has been ripping my heart
to shreds
smile I have, and put on an act
no one ever guesses
it’s the lonely times which hurt the most
when the sun is setting
and I’m the only one watching
when the moon reflects all my fears
and you are nowhere to be seen


that day has come, gone
and to think I would let it keep me up
all this time now between
all those memories
like pictures in the attic
although a scent, a sound
reminds me
I don’t need it
to remember

I never have


I just left you
or did you just leave me
the way your ear sneaks out from below you hair
reminds me of laughing
for some reason
and your smile
how I miss it
how I envy it
forget your ride home
and enjoy the stars with me
I say to you
as you drive away
bittersweet you say
I couldn’t agree more


new beginnings are like worn socks
I’ve been here before, countless times
starting over, again and trying not to fall
but I always fall, and get back up
I’m tired of falling, I’m tired of getting back up
I hate the routine, I hate
always, and my old friend appears
and helps, but for how long?
your help I don’t need, your smile has always
done wonders… and I think of you this night
as my old friend helps me along
and I write once again

Jul 20 2003


I tried not to call you today
I couldn’t pick up the phone, I fought
think about you, I did…..thought about you over and over
about your smile, your kiss, you
I must walk away, slowly… but I must
I have no options babe
perhaps I’ll see you one day
when you are happy and there is no fear in your heart


taking steps
that I’ve taken before
I walked and looked back
Dismayed and wondering
as I’ve always thought and thought and thought
my past reaches forward and touches my shoulder
i never cared about it
as I walk forward
I couldn’t help but look back and notice

I never leave footprints


haunting days these are
leaves fall and they change into sounds
desperate horizons of gray call your name as you look back
and you see your breath
reminding you of time you are losing, of time you are forgetting
running through your veins, running through your mind as if you had always been there, unforgettable
unknowing what you have done.
we leave it at that


Is it too late to tell you that I miss you
too late to tell you how I love you
as I wait for you
and your voice

is it too late to tell you that I know I pushed
when I should’ve pulled
that I lied when I should’ve told the truth
that I’m sorry for hurting you

is it too late to be there for you
to comfort you, to laugh with you
is it too late to miss you

how do I know?

how do we see what we’ve lost
once it is no longer there?


is it laying under your bed?
behind some books
or perhaps in a closet

in darkness, waiting for light
searching for hope
always hopeless, that look
on her face

the dark hair is longer than her smiles
rare and her heart is canvas
painted below her floating eyes

where is she?
has she gone, never to return
created on a cold winter night
she embodies it all
I would have never guessed


I saw you today, as you walked through old doors
long ago closed and the reason you left
reminds me
of imperfections resting at the bottom
the well can’t be dry
has it ever been full
games played in the dark have an ability to
words shouted when they should have been
I still don’t know, I still doubt
as I get older
I get wiser
to the fact that I’m not as smart as I thought


dreams, still stand there
laughing, pointing
at your picture, at your face
they’ve broken the frame
and spread glass on the floor

barefoot, I walk and feel every
spear as it cuts through me
reminding me, of what you were
of your dreams that laugh at me now

that strange dream visited the other night
and I could only talk to strangers as the glass
cut me deeper and deeper

leaving a trail of blood and souls



it’s been a long time
it’s been ages since
I heard those words come from your lips
and those eyes smile with the essence
of unbridled passions
Is it too late for us?
As far as I know, we were always late, late to love, late to know how….
I had already forgotten before we met..
before I took your breath and made it mine,
before the last star called my name


Tonight, while you sleep
so far away from me
Tonight, while you sleep
closer yet, to my heart
I miss you
Tonight, while you sleep
I am there, gently brushing your skin
If not next to you
at least in my dreams
this night, while you sleep

Te busco en mi suenos


Te busco en mi suenos
porque estas tan lejos
pienso en esos labios
y me duele estar sin ti
pienso en tu voz
cantando las palabras
en otro idioma
sueno con tu piel
crema de miel
te busco
en mi suenos
hasta que despierte
al lado de ti


I’ve walked many miles
without you
Seen many fears come and go
many dreams fulfilled and others
without you
I look at that smile, and those eyes
how could I continue walking alone?
You’ve taken this heart
it’s yours
Now that I know
how could I continue
without you?


I feel you on my skin
and I taste you, although you are
not near

I could hear you breathing
I could hear you dreaming

I want to sleep behind your earlobe
caressed by your soul
and warmed by your heart


while I smile, and you dream
as those two lights in New York
into the night
this is the first time I write
your name
Emma Yvonne
the spirited songs of wonder
responsible for laughter, my smile
cannot compare
with the symphony that is your
falling into that trap once again
as I feel the bonds begin to tighten
around my heart
I look back
I wouldn’t have it
any other way


I took a long breath and inhaled your dreams
your smile, that amazing smile

underneath disarming eyes
begging to be challenged

swept away my fears
with the moon above

thoughts drift like feathers in the wind
I cannot forget what makes me
what you see

you’ll always know, your precious kisses will never be wasted


The storm came
the quenching rain
as the dissection of my soul
Outside, the rain
played her games
as I was drunkened by your
The long road home
your eyes still beckoned
Lighting a fire
in a barren forest
I smiled


Across time there is never a question of why
of how long
of when
Across time nothing matters
for it is gone in an instant
we are of such fate
and I can only wish to hold on
but knowing that
Across time there is never an If
or a but
just movement
never ending
constant change
the only static feeling
is my love for you


Lost Poets Search for Dreams

They dream about searching for dreams
Within the souls of others
who listen with open minds and closed hearts, smile when they stumble for it is the love of the word
making others and others beyond those closer….cry
I’ll never stop once said the poet until I find what I know cannot be found, the reason for this, the reason for me;
it is not the end, nor the beginning but the smile I put upon your face, that makes this so special
for I wield power that you cannot begin to forget about
not understanding this which I lay before you and I question not my motives for they are true
and the smile is yours
Lost, searching for dreams


And Now…

A chance meeting….is what it was
and now I think about her

The farthest thing from my mind
that morning
she was

She walked away with my image
while hers was burned in my mind

As the drops fall, the rain once again
coats my heart


Tuesday Night Stillness

altogether lonely
in a good way
Hearing tiny heartbeats
Resting near mine
Wishing she was here
In silence, with me
This is one of those times
where words are not needed
and smiles coat the walls
it’s been such a long time
Leaves fall outside my window
and I laugh
this Tuesday night


Writer’s Block

Across great distances of water and land
and I can’t write about her

She’s taken my heart, forget it, she’s always had it
and I can’t write about her

I didn’t know how to love her
I broke the most tender heart
and I can’t write about her

One day I will write….about her beautiful eyes, her smile…intoxicating skin. The way she talked, while her eyes wondered If was listening…I always was….

I can’t write about her….not now



I stopped trying to explain what I can’t understand

you, me, the world
our place in it

distance could be what heals

distance could bring us together
as weird as that might sound

to those who have stopped loving

There are not many things abound with pleasure when you stop dreaming

Almost…I ALMOST stopped


I took a trip to New York
it has always been a haven

A deep breath allowed me the freedom to go forth
without the fear, with out the hesitation

I walked and walked and walked and felt as the city let me breathe on her skin

I never let her see me cry



Time has this way of sneaking up on you, when you’re not looking

When you least expect it
Simply, and greatly
She takes what she wants, never asks permission

You always want more of her, of her charm, her smile

you know, she’s no good for you, but you keep coming back, crawling back

Time doesn’t want you, she’s constantly making what you are into what you were.


Give me Reason

Give me Reason
To write about your hair
how it curls and softly floats
in the wind
Give me Reason
to feel the heat from your skin
yet hold back, and not touch you
Give me Reason
to study those lips
and kill the urge to kiss
Give me Reason
not to hold you close
when we should politely be
Give me Reason
to be one reason you smile

An April Night

A night in Jersey City lasts longer than the days I spent studying

as I lay here wondering in the solitary silence
words from a man long dead echo through my mind
devoured from pulp and colored in black

the money and the watch
they have no meaning at night
when I am alone and passing traffic teases
travels I could be taking

the hum so constant…..so static, unlike my heartbeat
a chaotic drumbeat within my chest

silence fills my small room with the density of fog
and my ears adjust slowly
but they can never completely heal

the shoes I’ve worn
can tell stories to old men with walking sticks and atrophied muscles

tonight I fight distraction
it stops me on the road
to the future

and no matter how far I get
I will feel as if I’ve not begun to travel

there are no mirrors here
in my small room
and I’ve never wondered why


What are we

Consumer, that’s it, u, me
eat your cereal with you sports hero poster boy
while you read the ad for new cologne

I hate my job, I hate my daily routine
but I can’t buy what you advertise
If I don’t… work

Toil the soil, plant some herbs? No
Ad agency…I’m a cog in the machine
that has made me a slave



Poems without titles are curious beings
they are nameless, unknown, bastard creations

Poems without titles beg to be read
they crave attention like a newborn without milk

Hungry for eyes to devour them
minds to examine them

what do you call them?
do you forget them as soon as you read them?



Lament for old excuses

I must work, I know
I must write, I know

outside I can hear the rain
smashing against the earth
soaking all of my dreams

it is hard to dream
doubt can sabotage so much

I know I must work
I know I must write

I feel better
than they do
than they look
I still have excuses




indifference guides a thread in me
lose it

Why should I care, just to get stomped
when the willow cries and the holy birds
fly from their perches

I’ll tell you why

I leave it to my heart to decide
indecision is the task of my brain




I try to hard
or I used to

that feeling foreign once again
you know what I mean

you can’t sleep
can’t work, thinking too hard

while the world continues
you freeze, unwilling, uncaring, oblivious

to the fact that you
are dying inside




Where there was once anger
indifference reigns

ask me once If I still care
ask me once If I still feel

while I live, I love
you’ve read the words
you’ve read correctly

your lies not forgotten
their sting, dulled

my heart numb

to your

or lack thereof

its a wonder why I wasted my time



Senseless acts of passion atop the great building

Building those foundations we

Are we? I ask only for honesty
during these cold, unforgiving nights
when the stars are the only comfort I have

I wouldn’t let it affect me, this storied place
has always been


As the east river greets us
and the lights play their games
I can’t help but have some fear

Will you be like her
And I, a game to be played
while heart strings are ripped apart

Devious smiles echo in the night breeze of frozen souls



Another Wasted Night

I’ve wasted another night
thinking about you

I’ve wasted another night
dreaming of you

I could have been loving
I could have been writing

I let my feelings get the best of me again
a vicious circle I cannot break



Never Enough

There is never enough time
never enough love


The light blinds me as I stare
at the sun

why do you stare at the sun? It will
Burn you

Today I took a long bath
my hair is still wet and the night clouds move so

without worry of a thought of a dream
night calms those who cry as their lives pass them
the way of reason for writing this?
from the corner of my mind you smile and I look

find that you are not me and I am not only you
but a byproduct of pain




as the valves open in the heart
pump blood they do



the only way
long drives calm the beast as the mind slows
95 miles per hour in slow motion

moonlight blazing my eyes meet yours
I hold out my hand

feel that touch as the wind cuts my hair
and my thoughts with it

I listen to your voice



Dreams of a broken man

I never asked you of what
you dreamt of

my own blood did not deserve you

mistakes you’ve made
your heart played with
oh father

destined to hurt you are
I notice tell no one
show everyone

I have to ask you
your dreams

what are they?



Who am I to question

Who am I to question
the choices of my heart

Who am I to question
the choices of others

Who am I to question

Who am I to question
the very words pouring from my soul
the broken dam of infertile soil

Optimistically speaking, no other like you
unless the skies part and the rain carries with it
my dreams

But who am I to question
when the only question I have
who am I




My tears have dried

time does that
the wounds they heal
hellos dicen

only memories now
outline my dreams
buscando fuersa

I smile because you are happy
even though I don’t know
los ojos destruidos

beneath the fear
love blooms once again



A new journey begins today
The focal point
as I take steps
into the dark woods
has been, today
my past
your past
who do I write to?
If not you
as the shadows grow larger
and the darkness engulfs
could my light always have



I take a stand
against those who
on love
those who run
Not I
forever shackled
by desire and knowledge
of what once was



It is now that I know the least
Voices come, unfamiliar faces, recoil
there will be no such thing as a
last poem for you, my love

As the color dies in my hair
I wonder aloud, thinking of New York City
streets and cozy downtown restaurants
I cannot hold time, an abstract
concept designed to tear

Should there be hope where now lies
fear, in its mystery cloak
You are to me, radiance of a summer
Mourning, your smile
That smile

That smile with the power to break

These words come, I won’t fight them
It would be like stopping the blood
from flowing through my heart



I only write words on paper
The best I can do
While my love is so distant,
Far…formed from my heart

It is something greater than
can be described by a simple man
this love
my love for you

The beaches of my soul
have not been quiet
since you wrote your name
in the sand

And all the burnt embers
have floated to the sky



If ever in your heart
there was a question
of just how much
I love you

Think please of the
insignificant moon
enthralled with our blue earth

In an eternally vast universe
of quasars and supernovas
through all time
the moon, in love with the earth

Admires its cool beauty
by her side
until the sun engulfs them both



Burned bridges can be
rebuilt no?
Questions my heart asks

A pallid face sits and wonders
she stares and I smile

There was never a question
of unconscious dreams

I don’t remember
not knowing you

as the sand falls
between my fingers



Distracted souls
creep alongside
General calm
persuades the rest

Volcanic passion
Knows no bounds
I know, for I feel

Damaged central veins
of molten lava
keep me warm at night

And only the balm
could cool me
would be a kiss from
your lips



Subliminal Construct

As always as long as I walk along
your streets Feeling air, noiseless thoughts
Along crowded streets

Smiles left behind by those
who care only when they are alone

Devotion to my inner self has become a passion lacking color, leaving nothing to the imagination

I’ll walk up your steps and feel the heart along with
the gravity of love



reflected on my window through the snow laughs nothing much as the cold

I dive into the ever-present selfishness and wonder aloud

seemingly strange things or are they not normal for am I


normal…as my breath becomes visible and how I forgot to remember that I was alive

pitch a clouded tent of misery for somehow, you know it


it has not become impossible


After All This Time

Your voice on the other end
chilled me to the core
After all this time
not now, not this place

Clearing the heart of past hurt
it was easy to leave and not think
hardest of all to forget

As soon as I knew
lifted the weight
of lost time and whispered thoughts

yet, hope entered the picture again
after all this time

|| Francisco Caba 7:29 PM

Saturday, January 10, 2004

you wonder why I write about her
the way I do
you wonder why I am still writing about her
the way I do
and her smile haunts me stilleven while I loved you
I still wrote about her
even while I lost you
I still wrote about her

a train cut my silence once
while her eyes shone
not three feet from me
and I could feel her warmth

now time rapes me
devours my life minute by minute
and I still write about her

knocking on the door of
these plexiglass mockery of acts
I still write about her

even while you ask why


It helps… it helps to think she’s still out there
smiling like she once did
while I wrote about her

|| Francisco Caba 9:57 PM
Responsibility is not something I know
and equally I know not of
true love
for a while at least
there have been false alarms
and remarkable facsimiles
but none like you
and your way of being the one
the love of my life
and although you’ve passed into memory and are forever in my heart
every time I turn a corner
I prayto see you on the other

|| Francisco Caba 9:45 PM
hated city
container of old memories
which will not die
greeted me with a smirk
once again
beneath the sunlight
and frozen dreams
as barren as the landscapethe landscape
littered with souls of the malcontents
smiles are hard to come by today
but those memories warmed me
like no alcohol could

like no alcohol can
make me forget
those years past
when youth was our joke
and our future was unlimited

|| Francisco Caba 9:42 PM

Friday, January 09, 2004

tap tap tap
fingers on the keyboard
not gently not lighty
banging the shit out of it
what the fuck
tap tap taplook around fool
they’re staring at you
tap tap tap

fuck this shit
I can’t write anymore it’s too
I’ll blame it on you
and come back tomorrow

and begin again

i love this shit

Old poems…. new site, life goes on


The city was never the same without you
not central park
not the empire state
tonight I was reminded
as the moon shone
what’s wrong with holding on
the food bland, the company irrelevant
the night was the best part
although I still wanted you there
I always do
next to me
below the fire in the sky
like that night long ago
when your heart was mine